Hey kids, sorry for the lack of updates. What was supposed to be a part time job suddenly became a second full-time job along with all kinds of complications and crazy bullshit, and my personal art had to take a back seat to my studio job and Escape Chambers.
Then this week I had a ten-hour long episode of rolling panic attacks... so I ended up in urgent care for a night and now I've got some pills and stuff, but shit's been insane.
Like, I literally thought I was getting a lung infection or a heart-problem because of how bad it was. I'd had a few anxiety episodes before here and there the past couple months, or what I thought was me just being short of breath from running around doing stuff, but Tuesday night I was woken up several times in a row with the sensation that I couldn't breathe. Wednesday morning I woke up at 9 am to go to work, and still couldn't breathe, I just couldn't catch my breath no matter how hard I tried to slow my breathing and relax, nothing was working. This lasted hours, and it was getting worse on and off, with my chest feeling warm and tense, my legs going numb, I was shaking, unable to concentrate, and every time I inhaled I felt like I just wasn't getting enough air to fill my lungs, so finally around noon with this being completely consistent, I went home and tried to figure out what was happening to me.
I was pretty sure I was sick with something, possibly even dying, I had images of needing oxygen tubes shoved in my face and IVs and x-rays and surgeries and all kinds of scary things I couldn't begin to afford in my state of poverty, so I was afraid to go to the doctor at all, but finally, after a full ten straight hours of this constant inability to breathe normally, I drove myself to urgent care, where they took my vitals and listened to my organs and concluded I was just having rolling panic attacks, one after another, and was in a state of extreme anxiety, so they gave me a xanax and my vitals went more normal and gave me a temporary prescription and now I'm just recovering.
Still pretty tense, my heart hurts, I'm exhausted, but I'm okay now.
Point being, I tried to tell my boss I was overworked, this is exactly what I meant. I've been having to work 70-80 hours a week and yet I feel like I've been making no progress. Our store has no manager and they won't promote someone so when shit goes wrong it falls on ME because they've been giving me all the hours. My mother's also been harassing me from time to time when she drinks and feels the need to. So when they asked if there was anything that might be stressing me out, I was like HUH, LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT.
Anyway... that's what's been happening. I am gunna try to get back into art, because fuck this insane job right now.
That's all. IDK. Bye. Thanks. Love you.